1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson. 2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled. 3. Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on. 4. The officer walked into the bar and ordered everyone around. 5. When I lost my job as a stage designer, I left without making a scene. 6. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. 7. I got a job working at a pizza shop because I kneaded the dough. 8. I borrowed my wife’s audiobook and lost it. Now I’ll never hear the end of it. 9. Why is dark spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark. 10. Never share your secrets with a clock because time will tell. 11. I told my interior designer not to put carpet on the steps. She gave me a blank stare. 12. Prison is just a word to you but for a criminal it’s a sentence.