​1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
3. Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
4. The officer walked into the bar and ordered everyone around.
5. When I lost my job as a stage designer, I left without making a scene.
6. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
7. I got a job working at a pizza shop because I kneaded the dough.
8. I borrowed my wife’s audiobook and lost it. Now I’ll never hear the end of it.
9. Why is dark spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
10. Never share your secrets with a clock because time will tell.
11. I told my interior designer not to put carpet on the steps. She gave me a blank stare.
12. Prison is just a word to you but for a criminal it’s a sentence.